Don't Tell Me I'm Not Good Enough, I'll Be My Own Judge

Sorry I've been away for a while! I have been rather busy and, until today did not have any profound thoughts I found blog-worthy. But then, like a ton of bricks, multiple things came into my mind during World Literature and now I've got lots of new material!

Recently I have found a new musical crush—I love his music, his looks, his voice and his lyrics. I really connect with his music. He is Benton Paul. I may have mentioned in a previous post that I tend to hear songs not to a person, boy or girl, as they may be intended but rather I hear them all as though the artist is singing to God. Benton Paul is no exception. Now, I'm not sure if he is religious at all or what his deal is but to me, his entire CD Grey is a big religious experience. And I cannot get enough. I have listened to it countless times in the last week or so since I purchased it. I do not have a favorite. I can not have a favorite. I am having a love affair with Benton Paul's Grey. 

(There is a point to this post more than my love of Benton Paul, I promise.)

One of his songs it called The Devil. Here are the opening lines:

Don't tell me I'm not good enough,

I'll be my own judge and

Don't tell me I won't make the cut

I'll be passing you up!

This just spoke to me as I listened earlier in the day. The title "the devil" in conjunction with the lyrics hit me—who's to say I'm not good enough? Who's to say I'm not cute enough? Who's to say I'm not smart enough? Who's to say I'm not thin enough? I thought about it and thought about it... God and myself are the only ones who can decide that. No one can tell me I can't do it. God is in control of my life and He has made me who I am, what I am, how I am. Anytime someone tells me I can't, that is the devil. Anytime I tell myself I can't, that is the devil. I am good enough. I am cute enough. I am smart enough. I am thin enough. I am perfect in God's eyes and really, that is all that matters. 

Hear me, I am good enough,

Don't need none of your love.

So thank you Benton Paul and thank you Jesus for teaching me this. Thank you for the new found self confidence.

... and for anyone and everyone who has doubted me, is doubting me and will doubt me I AM good enough and I don't need any of your love.

The One We All Dream Of

The concept of the sublime is one that has been intriguing me lately. It is one of the main topics of discussion and focus in my world lit class. My professor and class have come to describe it as a joy or terror that is beyond words. Or God. This got my wheels turning. I always consider God to be this amazing, all forgiving powerhouse in the sky. The One who created me and who has plans for my future. The One who has given me everything I have, and will eventually take it all away. However, I do not usually think of God as a tyrant. How can beauty and terror be contained so harmoniously as one? ...Terror. But honestly, when you think about it, He has done some scary things. The plagues. The wars. The pillar of salt. The entire contents of the book of Revelation. All of that is pretty terrifying. 

... when it comes down to it, it all connects back to some lyrics for me. (If you've read this blog at all, you may think all things relate back to lyrics in my mind and... well... I can't argue with that.) 

"I think I made You to small. I never feared You at all."

I pray that over the next few days you reevaluate. I have so many friends who have so many fears. Spiders. Snakes. Heights. Death. Spend some time and think of all of your fears, then give them up. Hand them over to God and know that He is the only thing you should fear (a healthy fear, for He still is all of the beautiful and wonderful things as well). And while you're at it, check out this site. www.twitter.com/aintskeerd

You Spoke Me Into Motion

You know when you hear a song and it's almost creepy how much it speaks to you? Like the person knows you? Cue "What Do I Know of Holy." This is THE most beautifully written and performed song. The first time I truly listened to it I had tears in my eyes. For some reason it has such a profound effect on my heart and my mind... I think because it describes me to a t. Almost like the songwriter knows me. 

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out,

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

how You were mighty to save,

those were only empty words on a page.

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be,

the slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees."

...the moral of today's blog? LISTEN TO ADDISON ROAD. They are such a God-send in my life right now.  Anyway, I recommend you YouTube, Yahoo, Google, Blackle... whatever you do find a way to listen to this song. All of their songs for that matter.

How Great is Our God.

I am forever in awe of our amazing father. He is so much bigger than I will ever know, and every time I think I have him figured out He does something to blow my notion out of the water. Lately He has me wondering why me? What on earth did I do that could or would cause God to look so favorable upon me. 

I am a sophomore in college. I have countless friends who currently are undecided as to what their major is or who are in a major that they just chose to have one. They have nothing that they are so passionate about they could imagine doing it now and for the rest of their working lives. How, then, is it possible that God has blessed me with three such passions? Graphic Design, Journalism and Music. I would be happy working in any single or combination of these three career paths. I have new ideas every day as to which job would combine all three of them, what company dabbles in each. Basically, while knowing exactly what I want to do, I have NO IDEA what I really WANT to do.

... and the funny thing? I'm totally fine with that. 

Songs Telling of a Life of Love

God loves me. Well... we all know that God loves each and every one of his children here on earth. But today... God LOVES me. Let me explain. 

As you all know and as I have made clear in my previous blog posts, I have a thing for music. Maybe it would be more properly described as an obsession. I am obsessed with music. I also like to read and write and, thanks to the grace of God, I'm rather decent at both endeavors. So as I walked into my first class of World Literature today, I wasn't really nervous or dreading it. Sure "world" literature is perhaps not my favorite type of literature but I enjoy reading what I like to consider "scholarly" works because it makes me feel more sophisticated and, well, worldly. So there I sat, in a room in the first quadrant, third floor of the Haley center waiting for the teacher to arrive. And when he did, boy was I in for a treat. Within two minutes of him talking he was referencing the band Sublime in efforts to drag the definition of the word out of one of my classmates. Later in his lesson he was using the musical and lyrical "battles", if you will, of Neil Young and Lynyrd Skynyrd and of Biggie and Tupac. Yes, you heard me. My World Lit professor was using musical analogies to explain age old literature. Is that a God-send or what?

... and now you see why, today, God LOVES me. 

I need Your Loving Hand to Guide Me...

2009 has been a good year for me so far. Today is the 12th day of January... this is a very momentous day. I have discovered the real gift I got this Christmas. I knew there was a change inside of me, but it was not until today that I discovered exactly what it was. Calm. That's right, calm. I noticed that, no matter what is coming up, what is expected of me, I am stress free. Not that I have given up caring all together, but I have this knowledge inside of me that no matter how much I prepare, how much I slave, how much I stress everything is going to turn out fine. God is in control. 

Matthew 6:34—Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

... and that, my friends, is a great gift. 

The Music of My Heart

So I'll go ahead and get it out of the way. I'm going to be super cheesy (what's new?) and use some lyrics written by some Disney songwriters to preface this post. 

"Music's in my soul,

I can hear it every day and every night,

it's the one thing on my mind."

This post is about glue. You heard me, glue. You thought it was about music, didn't you? False! Well, maybe you're partially right. I have recently discovered, in my new found sophistication and introspection, that all things in life are held together by a common denominator. You may be thinking God, but no, it's not God. Well, obviously God IS everything in your life. But He has given each and every person something to call their own. Something special. He has given us glue. (Never knew glue was such a heaven-send, now did you?) This is a glue that holds you together. All the pieces of you. I've recently discovered that my glue is music. As the quotes portrays, music is ALWAYS on my mind. I constantly have a song stuck in my head or actually playing. Songs recall memories for me. Songs paint pictures. Songs get me through tough spots. Songs determine my mood. Songs speak to my heart. And mostly, songs shape me. I can relate everything to a song, and God speaks to me and teaches me through songs. Lately I have been seeing how God intends music to be a part of my life always. I am beginning to think I'd like to work with music once I graduate. Design record labels. Write music articles. Interview music stars. Who knows what is in the cards for me, but I have a strong feeling it will involve music. I pray that in this new year you all find your glue and that it helps you see things more clearly, see God in your life even more than before. 

Where I Find You

I find it constantly amusing how God seems to pop up everywhere. Especially, I've noticed more recently, in music. Lately I feel as though I never hear a love song as that. I hear it as a God song. The object of affection in the song is never an earthly man for me, it's God. I'll be the first to admit this could have something to do with the 20th anniversary I recently celebrated. Or maybe not. Maybe I am just growing more and more in tune to God in my life, what He wants for me, what He has been planning. Maybe I am FINALLY completely content with being just who I am, an independent entity. I am me. I am not his boyfriend. I am not the girl he is talking to. I am not her best friend. I am me, Aimee Belcher, child of God.

... and you know? I am finally okay with that. I don't need anyone else. I don't need anything else. I think I've finally found who I am and I could not be more excited. I knew 2009 was going to be a good year!