Faint of Heart

I have heard the story a million times. I have read the verse more than once. Yet somehow, this time, it struck a chord in me. That's the beauty of the bible—no matter how many times you read it you will uncover something different based on where you are in your life. It's the gift that never stops giving.

Anyway, I had this revelation and I though it was worth sharing. 

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:25-31)

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?" What a powerful, loaded question. Here is what I realized—Jesus is not only talking to Peter. He is talking to all of us. I know that I am the queen of doubting my abilities. If someone offers up a complement I will be the first to deny it. How am I any different from Peter? God has given me talents and I continually doubt them. I am of little faith. 

Think of your life and your god-given talents. Do you doubt the talents that God has so graciously given you? I am going to try to focus on praising God for the wonderful things he has given me rather than doubt him based on my insecurities.

But We Weren't Made to Fail

One of the things that has been bugging me a lot lately is the black and white nature of our society. When did all of the shades of grey disappear? 

I am not a fan. I love black and white photographs, paintings, prints... you name it I like it. But there is a lot to be said for the shades of grey in those black and white works of art. There is a lot of information held in the subtle gradients and tonal effects held in the grey. Maybe it's a design thing but have you ever seen a picture converted from grey scale to line art (black and white only)? It is a spectacular look but you lose a lot. It is the ultimate simplifier. But life is not simple. Life is in fact very complex. So why have we come to live by such black and white standards?

Sorry if I am rambling. I'll move on to my point. I have noticed lately that many of my friends have this standard for all things. If something is not successful than you have failed. Is that not the general standard we live by, that only success is acceptable and all else is failure? I am not okay with that notion. I want to rebel. I want to shout from the roof tops and mountain tops that it is okay to fail. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all. 

I have a friend who just got out of a rough relationship (it was only rough at the end). I got the feeling that she felt the relationship had failed. Is that true? No they didn't end up together, but does that really mean they failed? What is to be said for all of the hurdles they did master, all of the arguments they settled, all of the obstacles they overcame? I see it this way—that relationship absolutely succeeded. No it did not have a storybook ending, but look at how much they learned! Look at how much they grew together as well as individually. All of the mistakes they made are lessons learned, lessons that will better any and all future relationships they come into. 

Isn't it the same thing with school? Even if you fail a test or a class or a paper, you still learned something. If you have to change your major you learned something, even if it was only that you despised the previous major. 

And what about jobs? When did leaving a job or, heaven forbid, getting fired come to mean the world was ending? Did you not learn valuable skills in that job? Did you not have experiences that can be transferred to your next job? Did you not meet people who changed your life? Even if you never got the job, did you not gain interview experience? Do you not have something to add to your check-list of things you tried?

Maybe the subjectivity of my major is getting to me. But I urge you, today, don't look on your "failures" as losses, but look back on all of the excellent things you gained from trying. Whether it be a friendship, relationship, job, test, paper, project or just something simple like trying to lose weight you learned something from trying. You bettered yourself in some way or another. So please, today, see the success even in the failure.

... learn to appreciate the shades of grey. God put them there for a reason.

Give Me Your Eyes

So, this is probably going to be a really weird post, but I am confident that none of you beautiful people will judge me for it. And, if I do say so myself, it is an interesting subject so maybe I will get you all thinking on it as well. 

The other day I was just thinking about eyes. I am a sucker for eyes. I like to look at them, look into them, draw them, study them. They're great. They're easily the most expressive part of the body. Generally speaking, your eyes give you away. They can be so filled with hurt, so filled with anger, so filled with love, so filled with hope. It is always the eyes that portray the true feelings. And I have yet to meet a pair of eyes with my own that was not beautiful in their own way. They are all so different, so many shapes and sizes and colors. God was definitely feeling crafty when he created eyes. That got me thinking on another topic...

What must God's eyes be like? They have seen so much. They saw the creation of man. They saw man's fall from grace. They saw the flood. They saw the birth of Jesus. They saw the life of Jesus. They saw the death of Jesus. They saw the miracle of Jesus' rise from the dead. 

How full of pride his eyes must have been to see the creation of Adam and the birth of Jesus. How full of hurt they must have been to see Eve take a bite of the apple. How full of anger must they have been to see their one and only son crucified. How full of love must they have also been to see their one and only son suffer so much to pay for our sins. 

So how much hurt must show in those eyes each and every time we sin anyway. We, knowing full and well the consequences, sin. We constantly hurt God and yet he constantly forgives us and loves us anyway. His love is unconditional, though he constantly sees our failures. I will definitely be thinking of His eyes a lot more now. Before I do something, I'll try to imagine how He would look at me. Would it be a look of hurt? One of anger? One of disappointment? One of pride? One of awe? One of love? 

I will strive for the day when I arrive in his Kingdom and hope that He looks upon me with those eyes and that I can meet them with my own steady gaze, confident in how I have lived my life for Him. And I can only pray that the eyes I look into are full of love and adoration and, most of all, pride for how I have chosen to live my life.