Gift of a Friend

This fall has been really different from any other season of my life, and I've been presented with some really cool experiences. Just over a year and a half ago (I think) my friend Lauren told me about this up-and-coming band, Honor Society. You may remember my blog post about them. I was able to see them for the first time (and three subsequent times, but who's counting?) this fall. As a little added bonus, I got to meet this really amazing girl named Kat (who also happens to be a best friend of Lauren).

Kat was on tour with Honor Society this fall. On tour. As in living on a tour bus. Have I ever mentioned that living on a tour bus is easily top five on my bucket list? Coolest. Thing. Ever. But I digress, that is not the point here. From everything I can tell, Kat is a picture of John 15:12-13.

My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

This has always been one of those verses I could ponder for hours. I love it. Love it. Perhaps it's because I'm very connected with my friends, or perhaps it's because I know the feeling of putting a friend ahead of myself. I really don't know, it's just one of those things. I just like it.

Meeting Kat has shed an entirely new light on this verse for me. She left behind her home and her family to hit the road with four of her friends. She believed in them when no one else did. She stood behind them when they played for a handful of people, and she was there when they played sold out arenas. She has been there every step of the way, through the good times and bad. The fans love Kat as much as they love they boys in the band. I watched many-a-fan get their picture taken with her right after getting their picture taken with Honor Society.

Is there a better picture of love? She laid down her life. She's given her all to this band, as much as the actual members. Because they are her friends. Because she loves them. Because she believes in them. Because their dreams are her dreams. It's God's commandment, and there really is no greater love.

I Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas

I love Christmas. I love birthdays and I love Jesus so obvi I love Jesus' birthday. Also, I love Christmas music. Like... I really, really, really love Christmas music. My friend Mandy and I tend to listen to it starting in June, if not all year round. So, not surprisingly, I was jamming out to one of my personal favorite Christmas albums (*NSYNC Home for Christmas) when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why are so many Christmas songs about love? God's love is one thing, but these songs are about human love. I know that love is in the air and all of that stuff but when did that become the focus of the season?

Here is a prime lyrical example: "I never knew the meaning of Christmas, 'til I looked into your eyes." Really? Really JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake? You never knew the meaning of Christmas until you looked into her eyes? Who was she, JESUS? I think not, seeing as he died for YOUR sins on a wooden cross approximately 1,998 years before you released that song. So chances are you didn't look into His eyes and discover the meaning of Christmas. Which leads me to my next point...

What exactly do you people thing the meaning of Christmas is?!? I'm guessing if you found it by looking into some unsuspecting lady's eyes you're not correct in your assumptions. It's true that the meaning of Christmas may differ a little bit for everyone and hold different memories and sentimental value, but I want to start a revolution.

When God sent his one and only begotten son to be born to a virgin in a manger on December 25 he started a revolution. One little revolution. That revolution has been snowballing for 2009 (or so) years. I am lucky enough to have been called to be a part of it. If you are a believer, you've been called too. If you're not then this is your chance. Do something. Make a change. The cool thing is the foundation has been laid. Jesus Christ was already born and already died for our sins. That is a lot of love. That is the reason for the giant celebration that is Christmas. We were given the greatest gift of all, presented as a tiny baby boy. Every year we give gifts and spread the love but are people really getting it? Do they understand why we have all of these traditions in the first place?

I'm not asking for a lot here, folks. I'm asking for one statement. One tiny testament of your faith. As you're walking to class with a friend or chatting it up around the water cooler and someone starts talking about Christmas, that's your moment. Throw out your line. All you have to say is "I love Christmas, it's so wonderful to celebrate the gift of life given to me through Jesus." Or you could go with something more subtle... maybe "Thank goodness for that Inn keeper." You could be witty: "Thank heavens for the gift of heaven." Maybe a little street slang: "Jesus is my homeboy." Whatever you want to say people, just do it. It won't be hard... face it, someone is going to bring up Christmas. You don't have to work for it.

One statement. Easy as pie. Actually, pie could be another seguay... "I love apple pie... remember when Eve ate that apple? Good thing Jesus was born on Christmas and then died for our sins." Be the reminder for everyone else out there. Now, go make some conversation!

Thank You

Within the last few weeks I've implemented this new thing in my life that I'm calling "Operation Appreciation." It started out as a just a little way to thank a couple of people. There was a lot of buzz around All Saints Day talking about thinking of the people who have influenced and impacted your life as a Christian the most and how, often times, they wouldn't know it. That is such a shame to me. Sometimes there are cases when you can't thank the person, as they are not someone who is in your life. I know a lot of bands and musicians have greatly changed me and I am saddened to know they can't hear it from me. That's not what I'm talking about, though. I know for me, there are people in my life who I maybe haven't spoken to in months or even years yet they are the ones I need to thank. So I'm doing it.

I've started via Facebook message. Kind of lame, I know, but it is the quickest way for me to get to some of these people. And in actuality, it doesn't matter how you go about thanking them so long as you do it. Rather than thanking everyone all at once I've been conquering one or two at a time. This gives me time to fully appreciate just how much these people have done for me. Some of them have truly poured all of themselves and then some into my life and for that I am eternally grateful. Others have done one seemingly small thing, but it has rippled into a much bigger and more significant change and to those people I am equally thankful.

I recommend you all try and thank at least one person who might not know all that they have done for you. I can tell you with complete honesty that this experience has been bigger than I ever anticipated. I set out to give thanks with nothing in return, just to let these people know they are loved and thought of and appreciated, but what I have received in return has left me speechless. I am so humbled and fulfilled and so undeserving of some of the things they've said to me in response.

I can not even begin to explain how much God is using this in my life, especially right now. I truly hope and pray you'll give it a shot. Also, a huge thank you to anyone and everyone who reads my posts. I truly believe that God has blessed me with the ability to write and, in that, tell people a little sliver of the amazing things He is teaching me every single day. I love you all so much and I pray for you often.

Special Gift

In my small group this semester we are studying the book of Ephesians. You may be thinking "shoot, Ephesians isn't that long... they're spending the whole semester on that?" Well, my friends, you're going to want to take another look at that book! There are so many hidden gems in it and you will be sure to learn something new every time you read through it. Through our study I have been convicted of many things, especially blogging.

Paul was a really cool guy, obvi. He said a lot of really awesome things too and he TOTALLY knew what was up with his gift of ministry. He says "I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the working of his power." (Eph. 3:7) He knows full and well that his ability to minister is a God-given gift. I have come to realize that my ability to write and convey thoughts and ideas that connect to so many people is one of my spiritual gifts. While I may not be the person to run up to a stranger and start talking about God and his gift of his son Jesus to cleanse us and save us, I can blog with the best of them. Interestingly enough, my blogging has given me more conversational confidence as well. But that is not the point. I know that blogging is a gift. This is the part that gets me...

"Surely you have heard about the administration of God's grace that was given to me for you..." —Ephesians 3:2

Given to me for you... to ME for YOU. This gift of writing I've been given is not mine to keep. Though it helps me work things out in my mind, I'm not writing these things for me. I'm writing them for you. It's God's gift to you, through me.

... that being said, I'm going to make a really concerted effort to blog things as soon as I get an idea, as soon as God gives me a revelation of sorts. Check back often!

Appreciation and the Bomb

I've heard the verse my whole life... I think most people raised in the church have. "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5:18) It's one of those I always heard but never A. seriously contemplated or B. did anything about. It was just there. Then, God took it upon himself to do something about it. He's good like that.

As you may or may not know I'm a fan of this bomb band called Honor Society. Please, check them out. As it turns out, a lot of their fan base includes Jonas Brothers fans, because Honor Society opened for them on tour this summer. I had myself convinced that, since they are older and their lyrics are more mature that must be aggravating. Obviously they would want an older fan base, more like their peers and college aged folks, right? I would tell myself that clearly they are trying to make it and will take whatever opportunities are presented but, really? They have to be at least a little frustrated behind the scenes, don't they?

That's about the time when God knocked me upside the head and told me what was up. First of all, who the heck am I to analyze their fame? Secondly, they treat their fans with the utmost love and respect and appreciation. They are a picture of grace. They are completely humble. They get it. I don't. Or at least I didn't, I'm hoping I am beginning to. Let me break it down. God has this huge, all encompassing will and you and I alike are in it. Our goal in life is to try and live a life so full of faith and dedication to the Father that we can discern His will for us. I knew that much. I am pretty sure I have even figured out small parts of what God's plan for me entails. But that is where it got fuzzy. You see, we don't get to choose how we get from point A to point B. It could be the way we imagine it. It could involve a lot of detours. It could be the path never taken, or it could be the path everyone else seems to be on. The boys of Honor Society are clearly called to be musicians (and they are quite remarkable, if I do say so myself). However, whether they wanted it or not (which is definitely not to be determined by me, anyway) God decided they would get their break touring with the Jonas Brothers and, thus, have a generally young fan base. Obviously they have older fans as well (oh hey, it's me!) it just seems like a pretty big chunk are what I like to call JoBro converts.

...you know what though? They are making it. They are on an uphill climb and I'm hoping the mountain is way bigger than they have been hoping or dreaming. They deserve it. And, whether they know it or not, they're pretty fantastic professors of grace and humility. Bravo, fellas.

Reason to Believe

I had kind of a bizarre realization when I was sitting in World Lit last week. Obviously the decision of whether or not to believe in God is a choice that each person has to individually make for themselves. It's a huge decision and some people are blessed to have people in their lives to answer questions and encourage them while others have to beat the path all on their own. The cool thing is once you make the decision to believe it is so obvious! There are no more coincidences, everything happens for God's divine reason. People always say "it's a small world" and once you are a believer it is obvious that is because we are all God's children! I think one of the biggest things for me is the reason for kindness. I know oftentimes people wonder why strangers are so kind. One of my favorite books, Love is a Mixtape, has a quote that explains the phenomenon:

"People kept showing me unreasonable kindness, inexplicable kindness, indefensible kindness. People were kind when they knew that nobody would ever notice, much less praise them for it. People were even kind when they knew I wouldn't appreciate it."

I feel like once you let God into your heart and the Holy Spirit into your life the kindness is resolved. It just makes sense. Why wouldn't we be kind?

Just a little food for thought. Show some kindness to someone unsuspecting today, whether they affirm you for it or not.

If I Could Give All My Love

I'm back and it has been entirely too long. Like, woah. Apparently my 21 days were non habit-forming. Or maybe I just have a habit-resistant personality type. Most aspects of my life would point to yes. Anyway, I'm going to try and get into some sort of semi-regular blogging pattern (maybe a pattern will be more successful than a habit).

I heard an unbelievably cool quote the other day. I love quotes.

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

Three things is all we need? Well that's pretty simple. That's what I originally thought upon reading this quote. Then I realized what is really up... we only need one thing. God. Maybe you know him, maybe you don't, but there is something really cool about that guy. He is someone to love. He is something to do. He is something to hope for. Amazing.

Sometimes I get in a rut and I feel lonely. I think everyone ends up in that place and some point or another. Usually it lasts a day or two and then I do a mental head slap and realize that is so ridiculous! I don't need earthly bodies around me! God is all I need... He is someone to love and He is someone who loves me. Sadly, not everyone knows that. So, for the people who do, it's our duty to inform them. Therefore, God provides something to do. He created us all in His image, and He has chosen each and every one of us to be a follower of His will. We have been given such an incredible gift, which we are not deserving of in the least, and most of us (myself included) just sit there and bask in it. The amount of love we are receiving is so vast, it's the least we can do to give a tiny portion of that to another person. Your love will give them something to hope for. And, in my experience, it will give you something to hope for to. We live in a fallen society and it's really easy to get caught up in that mentality. If you give a little love, you will be more likely to see the good in the world. The more people who see the good will want to be a part of it.

You know what they say... what goes around, comes around. Who ever said it had to be something bad that was going and coming back around? Be the change. You've got all of the tools you need.

Keep Holding On

I'm revisiting the topic of hand holding. Get excited.

The more and more I thought about it, the more I realized I have to say about the beauty and (what I consider) sacred act of holding hands.

Let me break something down for you... imagine how you pray. Not like the prayers you say throughout the day, but the knees-to-the-earth, crying-out-to-Him prayers. This is the time when I feel closest to God. There is nothing distracting me and no one around me. Just me and the big man. I'm knees on the carpet, elbows on the bed, fingers intertwined. Wait, what?

Yes, you heard me. The hand position that I associate with my deepest moment of prayer is the same one I partake in whilst hand holding. What a beautiful gift to share with someone you care about!

I think it is taken for granted. Most couples I know are holding hands if they are close enough to touch each other. But why? If you save it for special moments, it provides such a strong connection, a channel for love and energy and passion to flow from one person to the next. It can, in a sense, verbalize so many feelings and emotions. It is a form of intimacy that has been trampled on and taken advantage of by our society.

Try keeping your hands to yourself a little more often, so when you do decide to interdigitate the lucky recipient will know you mean business. I think that is how God intended it. Who knows, it might be a refreshing change.

(Don't) Keep Your Hands to Yourself

This entire post might (and probably will) make me sound crazy. But you know how I do. I'm going to just go out on a limb and say that I firmly believe holding hands is a testament to not only a God, but a divine creator.

One of my best friends calls it interdigitating. When you lace your fingers through someone else's fingers. How powerful is that? Not only is it the one form of PDA that I will really tolerate, but I think it's a miracle in itself.

Hold up your hand in front of you, fingers together. (I will excuse you of this task if you are in a public setting.) There are your four fingers, all sitting tightly together, no space in between, like planks of a fence. And then there is your thumb, hanging out below the other digits, but still tightly snuggled into the side of your hand, a part of the group.

Now take your two hands and lace your fingers together. They fit together perfectly! Your fingers can spread out just enough to allow room for your other hand's phalanges. If that weren't enough, think of the concept. It seems like slipping your fingers into someone else's would not be that comfortable. It is after all bony parts all matched up. But God has given us just enough layers of skin and fat to make the spaces between our fingers the perfect home for someone else's fingers.

... maybe I am crazy, but I'm just saying... God is good. So go hold hands with someone, it's a God-given gift to humans.

Lead Me To The Cross

I have so many thoughts tumbling around in my brain right now that I barely even know what to do with them. They will soon turn into a few blogs, but I don't currently have the time to sort them all out into coherent thoughts for you all as I am to be at the airport in a matter of hours and I have yet to pack. So I will leave you with lyrics, and also, the Internet situation could be shifty these next few days but I will do my best to post. If not, I will definitely write down my thoughts and have them prepared for my return.

Savior I come Quiet my soul remember

Redemption's hill

Where Your blood was spilled

For my ransom

Everything I once held dear I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross

Where Your love poured out

Bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself I belong to You

Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I Tempted and tried You are

The word became flesh

Bore my sin and death

Now you're risen

To your heart

To your heart

Lead me to your heart

Lead me to your heart

... I challenge you to let him Lead you to the Cross in your quiet time. Lay down yourself and everything you've held on to, give it all up to Him. I imagine you will feel much more centered and grounded and joyful these next few days.

Only Hope

Meet my favorite song. Ever.

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

...He is our only hope.

Too Much to Ask

All who call on God in true faith, earnestly and from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked for. —Martin Luther

Decisions, Decisions

Excellent decision making is not my best attribute. I'm actually kind of awful at it. It's just so much pressure!

I recently had a pretty important decision to make that definitely will be affecting the rest of my summer and has the potential to affect the rest of my chosen career. Yes, that big. It's one of the hardest things to do, but something, as I am learning more and more every day, that is imperative to the decision making process. You have to let go and let God take over.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." —Proverbs 3:5-6

Beautiful

This song always, ALWAYS, makes me feel one-thousand times better when I am feeling down on myself. Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is something that everyone struggles with at some point or another and if you're there, read these lyrics. You are BEAUTIFUL and God loves you way more than you can ever imagine.

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Jumpin' Jumpin'

I jumped off a cliff. Really! My brother says that makes it sound way more intense than it was, but I jumped off of a 40 (ish) foot rock that jutted out above the water. Cliff? I think yes.

What possessed me to do that, you might wonder. It seemed like an excellent idea at the time. It still does. However, you know how they say the third time is a charm? You should probably pay way more attention to that than you currently are.

The first time was terrifying. Looking up at Chimney Rock (that's what it's called) I was pumped. Whilst scaling treacherous (and very slippery) rock facade using only a rope and my brute strength, my excitement level decreased as my altitude increased. By the time I made it to the top and peeked over the edge, I was beginning to doubt not only my decision but also my sanity. But I was still extremely excited. It was not until I took the leap off of the rock that my brain kicked in and told my heart what a freaking idiot it was. The resulting facial expression was one million percent priceless. Sheer terror mixed with the realization that I had just flung myself off of a cliff and gravity was all kinds of on my one hundred (and something) pound side.

The funny thing? I hit the water and decided that I should probably climb right back up and do it again. I'm sorry, what? Yes, I jumped again. And that was it...

for a few days. Then I went back. And jumped again. Every time I tried to concentrate on having a more peaceful expression and every time I failed (though I think I was getting somewhere with my third jump), though no face in the history of ever can measure up to that first countenance. (I'll say it again... it was REDONKULOUS.) Then came the fun part. My fourth jump. I had it figured out. Instead of creeping up to the very edge of the rock (where I had a view of the drop) and jumping, I was going to step and leap so I never fully saw the drop. It was the perfect plan. I was all but guaranteed to have an expression other than that of horror—anything else would do.

So there I was, atop Chimney Rock, three steps back from the edge, preparing myself for what was sure to be my best jump yet. Before I had time to let my brain realize I was doing it again, I step, step... SLIPPED off the edge. Yes, you heard me. My third and final prep step in the perfect jump, the one that would catapult me (nonchalant face in place) into the big blue water below, and my foot slipped. You may be wondering what a foot slip from such a height would cause. Obviously, as evidenced by this post, I did not crash headlong into the side of the cliff. Nope, that was not the case. Something equally terrible did happen though. Two words. BELLY. FLOP.

Which brings me back to my original point. Listen to the people. Third time is a charm. I pushed my luck and went for four. Bad idea. My body parts still aren't fully cooperating with me.

God requires a similar kind of jump from us. A leap of faith. We can't see Him, but we have to trust in Him enough to know that He is here and He is all we will ever need.

Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” —Matthew 21:21-22

... I just hope when I take my leaps of faith for God I have a much more peaceful countenance than I did upon leaping from Chimney Rock.

Jump

These lyrics are a preface to my post for tomorrow night. If you haven't heard this song by christian rapper Lecrae you should really YouTube this song, Jump.

Its the assurance of things hoped for. Noah built a boat for
Jesus took a beating and his whole body was broke for.
Spoke for. Through it we know who the Word was wrote for.
Abraham had it, matter fact that's what he's known for.
Faith, y'all, through it we were saved by grace
If you got it, we can see it by the way you run the races
That means we can see it on your face
If the faith don't act, then it really ain't faith
And that really ain't the case cuz faith ain't fake
It'll have you try'na act out the Word everyday
Every Christian has faith, its a gift; we should use it
Some distort the view of it and others just abuse it
It can be irrational and make you give your life up
This is for the cause of Christ and not to get a nice truck
Righteous, when you know you gotta trust God
When it seems hard, man, faith is a must have.

Chorus:
You gotta leap y'all (Leap wit it!)
You gotta leap y'all (Leap wit it!)
Take a leap of faith
You gotta leap y'all (Leap wit it!)
Come on jump for now
Jump for me now
Jump jump
Jump for me now
Jump for me now
(2X)
Jump (on 2nd)

Verse 2:
Before you heard "Breath In", "Represent! Get Krunk!"
I was tested in my faith, and I didn't know if I could jump
I was at my 9-to-5 try'na make a couple dimes,
But somethin in my soul was sayin that I had to rhyme.
I was rappin every saturday, teachin on Sunday.
8 A.M. again I'm back to work another Monday.
Man I was hatin it, I wasnt even fakin it,
And then came opportunity, but me, I wasn't takin it.
Show after show came; a couple folks came,
But leavin work to rap was risky like the dope game.
And mama mad at me, she say that it was bad for me
To spend my time in school just to rap, what a tragedy.
A lot of free shows, but I had to pay bills.
Lord, you know I wanna go, but can you show me what you will.
I wasn't chasin rap dreams, wasn't try'na stack green.
God had my back against a wall like a flat screen.
Urgin me to trust, Lord I wanna, but I'm scared to.
Lord, I'm prepared to be broke, just to share you.
So I followed Abraham. I told the Lord to take my hand.
I took a leap of faith, and I ain't never been the same again.

Give It All Away

As Jim Carrey would say (man, I'm just full of Jim Carrey quotes)... I'M BAAAAAACK. So sorry for the lack of posts. I thought I would be able to hack someone's Internet while vacationing on Lake Martin, but alas, that was not the case. So we will pretend like the last week(ish) did not happen and pick right back up with my 21 days.

Though no blogging occurred, I gained plenty of inspiration from my time on the lake. I learned an incredible lesson in selflessness. Exhibit A: the man my family has lovingly come to know as Mr. Million. Okay, I'll explain. There we were, day one on the lake, laying out on the pier when along comes a man on his fishing boat. So of course my dad strikes up a conversation about how the fish were and in T-10 minutes they were best friends. Come to find out, his father-in-law had won the lottery back in February. $11.7 million. As my mother said "like, really really?"

Yes, he really, really won the lottery. As if that weren't cool enough, wait until you hear how he spent it. He anonymously gave half of it to his church. AMAZING. I think that's somewhere in the 5.75 million dollar range, though I don't pride myself on my math skills. After that, you would think he could call it a day and keep the rest for himself. False. He payed off the houses of everyone in his immediate family and bought them all new cars. Then, he paid of the houses of two of his long-time friends who were struggling with the economy and bought them new cars. Then, rather than hoarding the rest of the money, he had a pow-wow with his family and they all got to decided how to spend the rest of the money. The solution? A house on Lake Martin, complete with 2 bass fishing boats, 3 jet skis and a pontoon boat (it was a Bentley).

What an amazing testimony of selflessness. I'm going to keep him in mind as I return to reality and try to give as much as I can. Granted, I don't have 11.7 million dollars, but I'm sure I can find a few things I can do without. How about you?

"Remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth." —Deuteronomy 8:18

I am on vacation in Alabama and it is absolutely beautiful here. The view is 1000% breathtaking. However, internet is limited so expect a blog tomorrow.

Laugh So You Don't Cry

My dad forwards me a devotional each morning and I have really enjoyed reading them. They are different then most, as they are written in God's point-of-view. One of my favorites was from the other day and it was about laughing.

If you know me, you know I laugh. Often. You also know I basically never cry. Let's face it... laughing is SO much better! The devotional said that just as parents enjoy hearing their children laugh, God enjoys His children's laughter. He invented it. It is music to his ears.

Usually, I gravitate toward happy people. People who are full of joy and zest for life are so much more fun to be around than sulky, mopey people. This could be such an excellent opportunity to spread God's word. If you are laughing and happy and optimistic all of the time, people are going to wonder what you secret is. Every one wants to be happy. It could give you the perfect opportunity to express how giving your life away has not only given you a promise for eternal life, but also earthly happiness.

... try to laugh a little and see who notices. You never know who's day you might make.

Soul Survivor

Socrates asked if he could guest blog for me today. Since he is one of the world's greatest philosophers and all I obliged... so, enjoy!

"Don't be concerned with your bodies or money, but first and foremost care about the improvement of your soul. Not until you have pursued wisdom and truth ought you think of money or fame or prestige or the body. Virtue does not come from money, but from virtue comes money and every other good thing for mankind, public and private."—Socrates

Love Song

I once started to read the book Captivating that is all about a woman's heart. I never did get through it (it's on my summer to-do list) but I got the gist. It is ingrained in the heart of women to want to be loved. To want to feel needed and wanted. To want to be romanced. But I think it's not just women. I think, deep down, most men want it too.

How lucky are we, that we have a God who provides? He can love us when we feel as if no one else does. He can and he does.

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants to be loved
To be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone…

... isn't that such a beautiful thing? To be loved.

Crazy People

I learned the most interesting thing at church, something that I sort of knew but definitely never implement in my own life. Hopefully that will change, starting immediately.

I know I, along with most people, care too much about what others think. I try to not let it get to me, and usually it doesn't, but nevertheless I care. And often times I base my actions off of what is most socially acceptable.

That, however, is not God acceptable. He wants you to be foolish in His name. Check out the following verses which, I'll be honest, I took straight from this weekends sermon. Thank you Tierce and The Woodlands Church.

"God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And He chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful." —1 Corinthians 1:27

"...I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes!" —2 Samuel 6:21-22

Do it. Get a little crazy. Act a little spacey. Anything, as long as it glorifies God. Chances are people will envy your carefree nature more than they think you look dumb, and you'll be able to tell them you're freed by your awesome Father.

Bigger Than My Body

Today, I was people watching and I saw a little boy walk up to a mannequin and lift her dress. I won't lie, I giggled a little... okay, a lot. But then I got to thinking. Why is our society so preoccupied with sex? It is SO obnoxious.

I'm trying really, really hard not to get on a soap box right now. I'm just going to say that I think it is utterly wrong how movies and television and books make it appear that everyone is having sex with everyone. The worst part is that not only is it considered to be okay, it is, in some circles, completely fact. That is just not okay. That is not how God intended it.

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

... you are not your own; you were bought at a price. Chew on that for a while.

Time to Grow

I feel like I am standing on the threshold. I am between innocence and reality, childhood and adulthood, past and present. And I'm not sure how I feel about it. However, as always, God swooped in and soothed me with a song. Enjoy.

I'm two cups into my coffee break
I'm sitting alone in the cafe front way
Reading all by myself
I'm turning my cell off just to breathe
'Cause everyone I know just keeps calling me

And I just need a little time
'Cause I've over committed myself
I guess this is growing up
I'm sleeping so little these days
I guess this is growing up
I'm feeling things are about to change
I'm guessing this is growing up
Yeah, I'm guessing this is growing up...

I don't wanna change
I wanna stay
Lying were I lay
Eyes closed set down on the pillow
Better change, before it's too late
I'm guessing this is growing up

Now I'm done with my coffee break
I turn on my phone now that I've grown up

Secondary

We're about to get really personal, people. Only one or two of my other posts have come so close to the inner workings of my heart and nearly touched on my deepest desires, but you're about to get a little peek of the inside of Aimee.

I consider myself very lucky. I have yet to fall in love. Maybe I'm inexperienced, maybe I'm not. You be the judge. I personally am quite content. I have the privilege and honor to have God be my first true love. I fell for Him first and hardest, and continue to fall more and more in love with Him with each passing day. I feel confident that I will one day find my earthly love, but for now I am so blessed to have fallen for God first and foremost, which brings me to my next point.

Most people strive to be first at everything. First place is where it's at, after all. But I have different thoughts. I refuse to be first place when it comes to love. It is my biggest hope that when I finally meet my match in the love department, I will always be second place in his heart. I pray that he will love God so fully that he wonders if he can handle giving me even a fraction of that love and, when he does decide, I pray that I will, forever and always, be his number two.

... thanks for listening.

Where To Find Me

Today I learned the COOLEST and BEST new phrase... God wink (thanks, Casey)! Basically, when something happens that you know was totally God showing or telling you that He is, in fact, alive and living in us and that He loves you, that is a God wink. Much like when someone you are in like with or dating winks at you and, without saying a word, you know he is thinking about you and cares about you. God does it too, he just has to be a little more creative as, for now, he cannot physically wink at us.

Meet my shining example of a story. The other night I was sitting outside talking with some friends and one of them was telling us how he had a moment where God spoke to him during prayer and told him "Come follow Me." It gives me chills to even thinking about receiving that direct of a message from God. I hear from Him all of the time through songs and, especially, other people, but I have not yet experienced His own voice in my thoughts. The prospect excites me to no end. Anyway, back to my story. So my friend tells me this then, the next day, I was reading my devotional and God winked at me. It was a date specific devotional and, for that specific day, the day after hearing this story from my friend, the verse to start off the devotional was "...come, follow Me" (Luke 18:22).

I have chills.

...Thank you, God, for loving me enough to wink at me and know that you are alive and love me more than I will ever be able to understand. I love you, too.

Ready to Find Love

I know I've been talking a lot about God's love lately, but there's just so much of it I can't resist! I read a verse recently that really made me think. I know sometimes I have off days and I'm not overly friendly to people and, sometime, I don't talk to them at all. That is such a big mistake. We all have our off days, but you never know how one simple gesture can influence someone, how it can bring them joy, peace and a sense of belonging.

"But if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." —1 John 4:12

None of us have ever seen God. We will all have our day but, until then, we have to be His love. We have to work hard to try to show others even a fraction of the love that God has shown us because, if we don't, they may never know God.

I have a lot of friends who are afraid of telling people about God and their faith, who are afraid to witness and share the great news. That's fine, it takes practice and confidence which I think everyone gains as they walk along and let God take over their life. Whether that's you or not, it is so easy to be genuinely friendly to someone. Smile at someone. Say hi to a stranger. Introduce yourself to a new person in class. Talk to an old friend.

... you never know who is feeling lost and lonely, and who desperately needs a friend and a healthy dose of love. God's love.

This Kind of Love

It always amazes me how much God speaks to me through music. Not just christian music, either. Actually, especially not christian music. I think I learn the most when I get something from a song that, to my knowledge, was written with no thoughts of God. There are some songs that move my heart like nothing else, and I am always left full of awe and amazement at how God will use anything and everything to make me fall more and more in love with Him. He surprises me daily, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My freshman year roommate was completely obsessed with Sister Hazel and she passed on all of their CDs to me. One song in particular spoke to me. One of the band members wrote it to his girlfriend to play just before he proposed but to me it is a perfect anthem of God's love for us. So, enjoy these beautiful words and take a minute of your time to stop and think about how much God has sacrificed for us and how very much he loves each and every one of us in a unique way that suits us.

This kind of love makes me feel ten feet tall
It makes all my problems fall
This kind of trust helps me to hold the line
I'll be there every time

(chorus)
This kind of love is what I dreamed about
Yeah, it fills me up
It leaves no doubt
This kind of love it's why I'm standing here
It's something that we can share
I can't get enough of this kind of love

This kind of hope is what I try to find
And now I can't deny I believe
This kind of faith is so unshakeable
It's unmistakeable
It's bigger than me

(chorus)

Your love can move a mountain
It makes my world go round
Its always there to guide me
I'm so lucky that I found

This kind of love it's what I dreamed about
Yeah it fills me up
Well baby it leaves no doubt
This kind of love it's why I'm standing here
It's something we can share
I can't get enough of this kind of love
This kind of love

... as Jim Carrey would say, B-E-A-UTIFUL.

Give It Up

I learned a big lesson in materialism recently. I used to always think that materialism was exactly what it seems: coveting materials. People who love clothes and shoes and other worldly things so much that they become front-runners in their lives, above other, more important, things. I never really considered myself to be overly materialistic. Sure, I enjoy clothes and shoes and movies and such, but I'm not excessive and I would give it up if it became a problem. 

The other day I had an awakening... God enlightened me to the true nature of materialism. News flash: it's not always a literal material. My struggle was with an organization. Something my family was paying to keep me in that I enjoyed, but I didn't love it and honestly, sometimes I dreaded aspects of it. But despite my father's opinions, I wouldn't quit because I didn't want to feel left out. I didn't want to be a quitter. I didn't want to lose friends. I didn't want to give up the superficial feeling that the organization made me better, gave me an extra edge. 

But I'm cleaning out my life and after much prayerful consideration, it had to go. 

... I think that I feel more fulfilled than ever before. What a God thing. 

Bigger Than Love

I'm not really even going to say anything about these lyrics, except I hope you read them and meditate on the words a little. Though this band is not christian (that I am aware of) God really speaks to me through this song, as He often does with music. I'm praying for all of you extra hard tonight.

We've all got scars as big as ours
A token for the pain we hide inside of us
Everyone's scared that somebody knows
You keep it inside, yeah, that's how it goes
If you've ever heard a beating heart
A rhythm for the songs we're too afraid to sing
Nobody here is perfectly fine
A delicate frame, a fragile design

If there's a hole in your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough
And it's alarming how quick you could forget that

Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
All you need, all you need is love

Some people change and some just won't
You can't take back the words you wish you'd never said
Promises break and lovers will lie
You hold up your hands and let out a sigh
So smile right before you fall
And lay beside this mess and call it consequence
Somebody said that life isn't fair
When somebody else was saying a prayer

No one's taking me out
Nothing's pulling me down
I turn my head to the crowd
This love is big and it's loud

This is the car in the crash
This is the light in the flash
This is the answers you know
But you're just too scared ask

If there's a hole your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough

... no matter what you're feeling, remember that nothing is bigger than love. And more than that, nothing can even compare to God's love for you.

Fearless

Being fearless is a novel thing. Taylor Swift considers being fearless has to do with love and possibly dancing in the rain in your best dress. My idea? Slightly different. Skydiving. Scuba diving. Motorcycle riding. Really, really big roller coasters. That's just a few examples.

I don't think that I was born this way. I have always loved the thrill of an adventure, but I used to be scared. Not as much as some people though. My little brother is a special kid... if you know him, you know exactly what I mean. I remember a phase of his life, when he was trying to decide what to be when he grew up, and he based it on whether he could get killed or not. Professional baseball player? Could get hit in the temple by a ball and die. Car salesman? Could get run over. My personal favorite: baseball card seller? A robber could come and break in and steal the baseball cards then shoot him in a fit of rage. I'm not saying it's logical but that's how the kid thought. He was also irrationally afraid that Timothy McVeigh (the Oklahoma City bomber) would come get him in the night. Baby Brother Belch was ruled by fear. 

Recently I've come to consider myself fearless. I have a huge desire to go skydiving. My mom thinks I'm crazy, that I have some sort of a death wish. My logic is considerably different. I figure that since before I was born God has known every detail of my life, birthday, number of hairs on my head, death day and cause of death. If I'm meant to die in a skydiving accident, it's going to happen. If I'm meant to die in a fiery crash, it's going to happen. I'm not one of those people who believes I have the ability to alter my "fate." I think God knows how it's going down and, regardless of what I do or do not do, his plan will prevail. I'll be honest, my fearlessness generally lapses right before it's go-time. Right before the roller coaster begins. Right before I go into the ocean to scuba dive. I get a little nervous, but then I feel such a sense of calm. 

... isn't it liberating? To live without fear?  After all, God did say "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Back to Your Heart

Everyone has a different style of worshipping and praising God and, much the same, everyone has a different style of loving God. I guess for me I like to literalize Him. It's hard to think about how God will be when we meet him, whether he will have a physical body or just an overwhelming presence. Will he have hands to literally hold us in? Will he have a heart that beats for us? As MercyMe would say, I can only imagine. So, I do. Often. 

At Emerge, our summer college bible study, two of my friends lead worship and sang the most beautiful song. It expresses my very feelings on how I long to be with God. 

I wanna sit at your feet,

drink from the cup in your hand.

Lay back against you and breathe, hear your heart beat.

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming.

You've read my thoughts on His eyes. You've read some of my thoughts on His hands. I haven't yet touched on His heartbeat, but that is not to say I haven't thought about it. Babies are comforted by heartbeats, especially that of their mother. It calms them and soothes them and let's them know that they are safe. They are with their mother, their maker. What a beautiful thing. I like to imagine that once I enter the gates to heaven God will wrap me up in his warm embrace and I will hear his heartbeat. 

... I will wait for the sound of his heartbeat to be calmed, to be soothed and, most of all, to know that I am safe in the arms of my maker. 

Looks Like Love

So, those of you who know me are privy to the fact that my brain works in mysterious ways. That being said, I may be one of the few people who can relate a bible verse to Harry Potter. So here I go, spreading the Word and solidifying my status as Harry Potter geek in one blog post. 

God loves me. This concept can, at times, be hard for me to grasp. I think that is largely due to the fact that our society throws the word "love" around far too often and it has lost some of it's value. But when I'm feeling down and lonely and utterly un-loved, God tends to break it down for me. Most recently, he used an interesting tactic, but I guess he knows I'm a visual learner. You guessed it... Isaiah + Harry Potter. I was surprised too. Let me explain.

Think Harry Potter: Order of the Pheonix. Harry goes to Professor Umbridge's office for detention and she tells him to write out "I must not tell lies" but gives him a quill she claims will not need ink. As Harry writes, the words he is writing are carved into the back of his hand. The writing on the paper comes out in his blood, hence the lack of ink required. It is clear that it is very painful for Harry to continue writing. God, however, did Harry one better. He didn't carve onto the back of His hand, but into the palm of it, and we all know from fire safety that the palm is more sensitive.

"But for those of us who are already His, He not only holds us in the palm of His hand, but had engraved our names there, and we are continually in His sight." —Isaiah 49:16

Can you even imagine how much that must hurt? But that is how much God loves me, and how much he loves you. He is willing to carve our names into the palm of His hand. What a beautiful testament to his unequivocal love for us. 

... so next time you're not feeling the love, think of your name on His palm. Because trust me, it's there. 

Live Like You Were Dying

When you graduate from high school, people love to give you advice, share words of wisdom and tell you how different college is going to be. Despite all of this, there is one thing I was absolutely not prepared for when I came to college—death. It could be attributed to the fact that up until college I had never lost anyone close to me, nor had I lost anyone young. However, in talking to some friends of mine, it seems many of us feel the same way. Ever since we became collegiate students it seems that death surrounds us in a completely tangible way. 

Do you remember, in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, when precious Bailey was dying and Tibby asked her if she was afraid? 

Not of dying, really. It's more that I'm afraid of time. And not having enough of it. Time to figure out who I'm supposed to be... to find my place in the world before I have to leave it. I'm afraid of what I'll miss. 

No matter how many times I watch that movie that part makes me think. She is afraid of what she'll miss. Aren't we all afraid of that? I feel safe in saying that most people have a bucket list. And yet as we make that list, we all assume that we will have years and years to complete the tasks on it. 

... but what if we don't? What if you were to find out there was a time-stamp on your life and it was sooner than you thought? Would you be living differently? It's a concept that is brought up time and time again in songs, movies and books, but when does it become real to us?

I challenge you today to take some time to think. Think of all of the ways that you spend your time. I know that I, personally, waste more time than I'd care to admit, doing things that neither benefit myself or others. When am I going to get around to doing all of the things that really matter? I came across a poem that I highly recommend you look up. It is called The Dash by Linda Ellis. Each time I read it I am taken by the beauty, clarity and wisdom of the thought behind it. I am slowly revolutionizing the way I think about life and time and, more importantly, the way I spend mine. Perhaps it will inspire you to do the same.

More Than Fine

It's an easy trap to fall into. Someone asks you how you are and it just comes naturally. Fine. I'm not judging you for it. In fact, I am the queen of being "fine". But really? Fine? 

I love driving because it gives me time to think. The trip from Texas to Alabama really gives me time to think. As many of you know I gave up secular music for lent, so it's been me and my Jesus tunes for a few weeks now. I'd recommend you all try listening to only Christian music for a few days because you really will see a change in the way you think and feel and perceive things. Hence this blog. 

One of my favorite songs is More Than Fine by Switchfoot. It's lyrics are simple but profound.

... More than fine, more than bent on getting by, 

more than fine, more than just okay...

Think of it like this. We all sin. We continuously do the things we know we should not do and yet, through all of this, we have a God who loves us SO much that he sent his one and only son to die for us. His son suffered the most painful death all so that we may live full and happy lives. So that we may work and find love and have children and make friends and enjoy all of the wonderful things this world he created for us has to offer. 

Then, as if that weren't enough, he has promised us everlasting life in heaven. Life where all of our troubles will be behind us and we will have countless days to spend getting to know the millions of other people just like us who love Jesus. We will have thousands of days to spend doing whatever we like, whatever we want, whatever we could dream of. We don't even know what it will be like because our amazing savior has promised that it will be all of our greatest hopes and desires and more. We cannot even imagine how awesome it is going to be. 

So I ask you again, how are you today? I hope from the bottom of my heart you are more than fine. No matter how big your problems are, always remember how Big your God is and your problems will shrink away and you can once again be more than fine. 

—side note

If you have a few dollars I have three songs to recommend. 

1. More than Fine by Switchfoot

2. Never Going Back to OK by The Afters

3. Only The World by Mandisa

I Am So Glad You Gave

19 years. 

I've been on this earth for nineteen years and it never clicked. I never connected the dots. I am 1000% guilty of giving with expectation. Expectation of receiving. Expectation of thanks. Expectation of praise. Expectation defeats the purpose of the spirit of giving. 

I have truly experienced giving on a few occasions. I remember a time I paid for the person in the drive-through behind me. I was alone, and I paid for them. I did not expect them to come and thank me, or even know who I was. I did not expect anyone to praise me, as I was alone in the car. I did not expect someone to, in turn, pay for me. Words cannot explain how great it felt. Knowing I had shown Jesus' love to an unsuspecting stranger. 

"You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" -Acts 20:34-35

I challenge you to give today without expectation. Try to embody what it means to be truly generous. I am setting giving goals in my life. I have been so blessed with a wonderful family and friends and anything I could hope to own. I have lived in great environments and experienced some of life's great pleasures. So I've made a list of things that I can give. Pieces of me that I will one day be able to replace, things that I can do without, things that I have ready access to. And this year I am going to give them away. I want to truly experience God's best in my life, and I think that giving is a huge part of that.  I also truly believe that, through the giving, I will receive more than I could have ever expected. I will be fulfilled. 

... when you live and give without expectation, you truly have nothing to lose and no one to be disappointed by.

By His Wounds We Are Healed

I see it every day. It's presence is unwavering, a constant reminder of what was and what is no longer. That green bracelet, inscribed with her initials, says so much in its silence.

One year. 52 weeks. 365 days. 

It's remarkable how quickly a year can pass. How many events can fly by, how many people you can meet, how many memories you can make. It's amazing how little I remember of certain things that happened in this past year. There is one day, however, one series of events I will never forget. 

Healing is something that is different for each person. Different methods. Different time spans. It looks different for each person. It's a beautiful thing, and it's a God thing. He teaches so much through the healing. 

Today will be a day of prayer for me. Prayer for her family. Prayer for her friends. Prayer for her community. Prayer for the Auburn family. She had such a beautiful spirit and touched so many lives through her life and through her death. She will never be forgotten. 

God, tonight I pray that you will lay your hand upon all of the people who are hurting. Hurting for Lauren, hurting because of Lauren, hurting in spite of Lauren. She would have wanted us to be happy and to enjoy the beautiful world you have created for us to live in, but it's tough. I pray that you will show us your great plan and that you will use her life as a testament to your will. I rest assured knowing people are coming to know you because of her death, but I also hurt for those who are questioning you and wondering why you took her from this earth so early. God, today I pray for wisdom, I pray for peace, I pray for unity and I pray for healing. And I pray that Lauren is up there with you seeing the legacy she left and all of the people who she touched. Amen.

Faint of Heart

I have heard the story a million times. I have read the verse more than once. Yet somehow, this time, it struck a chord in me. That's the beauty of the bible—no matter how many times you read it you will uncover something different based on where you are in your life. It's the gift that never stops giving.

Anyway, I had this revelation and I though it was worth sharing. 

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:25-31)

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?" What a powerful, loaded question. Here is what I realized—Jesus is not only talking to Peter. He is talking to all of us. I know that I am the queen of doubting my abilities. If someone offers up a complement I will be the first to deny it. How am I any different from Peter? God has given me talents and I continually doubt them. I am of little faith. 

Think of your life and your god-given talents. Do you doubt the talents that God has so graciously given you? I am going to try to focus on praising God for the wonderful things he has given me rather than doubt him based on my insecurities.

But We Weren't Made to Fail

One of the things that has been bugging me a lot lately is the black and white nature of our society. When did all of the shades of grey disappear? 

I am not a fan. I love black and white photographs, paintings, prints... you name it I like it. But there is a lot to be said for the shades of grey in those black and white works of art. There is a lot of information held in the subtle gradients and tonal effects held in the grey. Maybe it's a design thing but have you ever seen a picture converted from grey scale to line art (black and white only)? It is a spectacular look but you lose a lot. It is the ultimate simplifier. But life is not simple. Life is in fact very complex. So why have we come to live by such black and white standards?

Sorry if I am rambling. I'll move on to my point. I have noticed lately that many of my friends have this standard for all things. If something is not successful than you have failed. Is that not the general standard we live by, that only success is acceptable and all else is failure? I am not okay with that notion. I want to rebel. I want to shout from the roof tops and mountain tops that it is okay to fail. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all. 

I have a friend who just got out of a rough relationship (it was only rough at the end). I got the feeling that she felt the relationship had failed. Is that true? No they didn't end up together, but does that really mean they failed? What is to be said for all of the hurdles they did master, all of the arguments they settled, all of the obstacles they overcame? I see it this way—that relationship absolutely succeeded. No it did not have a storybook ending, but look at how much they learned! Look at how much they grew together as well as individually. All of the mistakes they made are lessons learned, lessons that will better any and all future relationships they come into. 

Isn't it the same thing with school? Even if you fail a test or a class or a paper, you still learned something. If you have to change your major you learned something, even if it was only that you despised the previous major. 

And what about jobs? When did leaving a job or, heaven forbid, getting fired come to mean the world was ending? Did you not learn valuable skills in that job? Did you not have experiences that can be transferred to your next job? Did you not meet people who changed your life? Even if you never got the job, did you not gain interview experience? Do you not have something to add to your check-list of things you tried?

Maybe the subjectivity of my major is getting to me. But I urge you, today, don't look on your "failures" as losses, but look back on all of the excellent things you gained from trying. Whether it be a friendship, relationship, job, test, paper, project or just something simple like trying to lose weight you learned something from trying. You bettered yourself in some way or another. So please, today, see the success even in the failure.

... learn to appreciate the shades of grey. God put them there for a reason.

Give Me Your Eyes

So, this is probably going to be a really weird post, but I am confident that none of you beautiful people will judge me for it. And, if I do say so myself, it is an interesting subject so maybe I will get you all thinking on it as well. 

The other day I was just thinking about eyes. I am a sucker for eyes. I like to look at them, look into them, draw them, study them. They're great. They're easily the most expressive part of the body. Generally speaking, your eyes give you away. They can be so filled with hurt, so filled with anger, so filled with love, so filled with hope. It is always the eyes that portray the true feelings. And I have yet to meet a pair of eyes with my own that was not beautiful in their own way. They are all so different, so many shapes and sizes and colors. God was definitely feeling crafty when he created eyes. That got me thinking on another topic...

What must God's eyes be like? They have seen so much. They saw the creation of man. They saw man's fall from grace. They saw the flood. They saw the birth of Jesus. They saw the life of Jesus. They saw the death of Jesus. They saw the miracle of Jesus' rise from the dead. 

How full of pride his eyes must have been to see the creation of Adam and the birth of Jesus. How full of hurt they must have been to see Eve take a bite of the apple. How full of anger must they have been to see their one and only son crucified. How full of love must they have also been to see their one and only son suffer so much to pay for our sins. 

So how much hurt must show in those eyes each and every time we sin anyway. We, knowing full and well the consequences, sin. We constantly hurt God and yet he constantly forgives us and loves us anyway. His love is unconditional, though he constantly sees our failures. I will definitely be thinking of His eyes a lot more now. Before I do something, I'll try to imagine how He would look at me. Would it be a look of hurt? One of anger? One of disappointment? One of pride? One of awe? One of love? 

I will strive for the day when I arrive in his Kingdom and hope that He looks upon me with those eyes and that I can meet them with my own steady gaze, confident in how I have lived my life for Him. And I can only pray that the eyes I look into are full of love and adoration and, most of all, pride for how I have chosen to live my life. 

Don't Tell Me I'm Not Good Enough, I'll Be My Own Judge

Sorry I've been away for a while! I have been rather busy and, until today did not have any profound thoughts I found blog-worthy. But then, like a ton of bricks, multiple things came into my mind during World Literature and now I've got lots of new material!

Recently I have found a new musical crush—I love his music, his looks, his voice and his lyrics. I really connect with his music. He is Benton Paul. I may have mentioned in a previous post that I tend to hear songs not to a person, boy or girl, as they may be intended but rather I hear them all as though the artist is singing to God. Benton Paul is no exception. Now, I'm not sure if he is religious at all or what his deal is but to me, his entire CD Grey is a big religious experience. And I cannot get enough. I have listened to it countless times in the last week or so since I purchased it. I do not have a favorite. I can not have a favorite. I am having a love affair with Benton Paul's Grey. 

(There is a point to this post more than my love of Benton Paul, I promise.)

One of his songs it called The Devil. Here are the opening lines:

Don't tell me I'm not good enough,

I'll be my own judge and

Don't tell me I won't make the cut

I'll be passing you up!

This just spoke to me as I listened earlier in the day. The title "the devil" in conjunction with the lyrics hit me—who's to say I'm not good enough? Who's to say I'm not cute enough? Who's to say I'm not smart enough? Who's to say I'm not thin enough? I thought about it and thought about it... God and myself are the only ones who can decide that. No one can tell me I can't do it. God is in control of my life and He has made me who I am, what I am, how I am. Anytime someone tells me I can't, that is the devil. Anytime I tell myself I can't, that is the devil. I am good enough. I am cute enough. I am smart enough. I am thin enough. I am perfect in God's eyes and really, that is all that matters. 

Hear me, I am good enough,

Don't need none of your love.

So thank you Benton Paul and thank you Jesus for teaching me this. Thank you for the new found self confidence.

... and for anyone and everyone who has doubted me, is doubting me and will doubt me I AM good enough and I don't need any of your love.

The One We All Dream Of

The concept of the sublime is one that has been intriguing me lately. It is one of the main topics of discussion and focus in my world lit class. My professor and class have come to describe it as a joy or terror that is beyond words. Or God. This got my wheels turning. I always consider God to be this amazing, all forgiving powerhouse in the sky. The One who created me and who has plans for my future. The One who has given me everything I have, and will eventually take it all away. However, I do not usually think of God as a tyrant. How can beauty and terror be contained so harmoniously as one? ...Terror. But honestly, when you think about it, He has done some scary things. The plagues. The wars. The pillar of salt. The entire contents of the book of Revelation. All of that is pretty terrifying. 

... when it comes down to it, it all connects back to some lyrics for me. (If you've read this blog at all, you may think all things relate back to lyrics in my mind and... well... I can't argue with that.) 

"I think I made You to small. I never feared You at all."

I pray that over the next few days you reevaluate. I have so many friends who have so many fears. Spiders. Snakes. Heights. Death. Spend some time and think of all of your fears, then give them up. Hand them over to God and know that He is the only thing you should fear (a healthy fear, for He still is all of the beautiful and wonderful things as well). And while you're at it, check out this site. www.twitter.com/aintskeerd

You Spoke Me Into Motion

You know when you hear a song and it's almost creepy how much it speaks to you? Like the person knows you? Cue "What Do I Know of Holy." This is THE most beautifully written and performed song. The first time I truly listened to it I had tears in my eyes. For some reason it has such a profound effect on my heart and my mind... I think because it describes me to a t. Almost like the songwriter knows me. 

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out,

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

how You were mighty to save,

those were only empty words on a page.

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be,

the slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees."

...the moral of today's blog? LISTEN TO ADDISON ROAD. They are such a God-send in my life right now.  Anyway, I recommend you YouTube, Yahoo, Google, Blackle... whatever you do find a way to listen to this song. All of their songs for that matter.

How Great is Our God.

I am forever in awe of our amazing father. He is so much bigger than I will ever know, and every time I think I have him figured out He does something to blow my notion out of the water. Lately He has me wondering why me? What on earth did I do that could or would cause God to look so favorable upon me. 

I am a sophomore in college. I have countless friends who currently are undecided as to what their major is or who are in a major that they just chose to have one. They have nothing that they are so passionate about they could imagine doing it now and for the rest of their working lives. How, then, is it possible that God has blessed me with three such passions? Graphic Design, Journalism and Music. I would be happy working in any single or combination of these three career paths. I have new ideas every day as to which job would combine all three of them, what company dabbles in each. Basically, while knowing exactly what I want to do, I have NO IDEA what I really WANT to do.

... and the funny thing? I'm totally fine with that. 

Songs Telling of a Life of Love

God loves me. Well... we all know that God loves each and every one of his children here on earth. But today... God LOVES me. Let me explain. 

As you all know and as I have made clear in my previous blog posts, I have a thing for music. Maybe it would be more properly described as an obsession. I am obsessed with music. I also like to read and write and, thanks to the grace of God, I'm rather decent at both endeavors. So as I walked into my first class of World Literature today, I wasn't really nervous or dreading it. Sure "world" literature is perhaps not my favorite type of literature but I enjoy reading what I like to consider "scholarly" works because it makes me feel more sophisticated and, well, worldly. So there I sat, in a room in the first quadrant, third floor of the Haley center waiting for the teacher to arrive. And when he did, boy was I in for a treat. Within two minutes of him talking he was referencing the band Sublime in efforts to drag the definition of the word out of one of my classmates. Later in his lesson he was using the musical and lyrical "battles", if you will, of Neil Young and Lynyrd Skynyrd and of Biggie and Tupac. Yes, you heard me. My World Lit professor was using musical analogies to explain age old literature. Is that a God-send or what?

... and now you see why, today, God LOVES me.