Father of Mine

I haven't written a blog post in quite sometime. It's not for lack of wanting either... I wanted to write. And, even more than that, my dad wanted me to write. He continually asks me if I've lost my faith and that's why I don't write anymore (he's joking, of course). It was so strange though... I had plenty of ideas, I even had entire posts written out in my journal. It just felt wrong though. On a few occasions I even logged on and stared at the screen, but something was off. I don't like to post just to say something, so I didn't. Hence, my absence. Now I've got it though, and it feels nothing but right. (And yes, it is 2:00am but don't worry, I'm off of work tomorrow.)

Have you ever had to do something that you just really didn't want to do? To act like you care about something you'd rather have nothing to do with? I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not very good at that type of thing. I am, however, pretty excellent at not doing things. I just cannot fathom doing something I don't like. But, for the sake of this post, try to wrap your head around it for a second. Imagine waking up, and going do a job that you just didn't enjoy. Now imagine doing it for a week. A month. A year. Tired of it yet? I would have quit 364 days ago.

23 years. For 23 years (this is an estimate, based on the age of my older brother), my dad (more commonly known as Butch) has been doing things he doesn't enjoy, day in and day out. Why? I can give you four reasons. Ellen, Travis, Aimee and Drew. A lot of people don't like to work. I'd easily put myself in that number. Not Butch. I think he's a worker. But the thing about Butch is he is not a member of his job's fan club. He does not like it. He does not enjoy it. He is not fulfilled by it. Yet, he does it. Every. Single. Day.

For as long as I can remember, Butch would get home from work and I'd say "how was work?" and the response has always been the same: "sucked." I used to think it's funny. I used to think it was a joke. Then I grew up: now I think that one word beautifully sums up every sacrifice my dad makes for our family.

Butch is a dreamer, you know. We all know he loves motorcycles and dirt bikes; his "toys" as it were. He's always talked about retiring and opening up a parts shop in the hills of Alabama. We all know he loves the Civil War. A lot. He wants to open an online bookstore, even. One summer Butch hired me to organize his filing system. In one folder I found a sheet from a yellow legal pad, written on in red ink: very Butch. It was a list of goals. Things like going to college again, taking history classes, maybe becoming a professor. Things Butch talks about to this day. The date on the paper, though? 1995.

1995.

My dad has been putting off his dreams for fifteen years in order to make the dreams of my mother, brothers and I come alive. Fifteen years! And the best part? He doesn't resent us for it. Not. One. Bit. That man is a lover. He is a hugger, and he is a lover. And if he loves anyone, it's his wife. And then it's his kids. Hang out with him for a day... you'll see.

So you know, here's how I see it. Butch is definitely human. He gets angry, he gets sunburned, and he gets beer in his belly. He sins. We all do. But, in my personal opinion, I could not choose any other man on the face of this planet who more accurately depicts God: the sacrifice, the unconditional love, the mercy. The more I think of it, the more obvious it is. Especially as I watch one of my best friends lose her father's presence in her life. And now I see why I couldn't write a blog for Butch... I had to write a blog about Butch.

A father's love. I'm drowning in it. God's love. Butch's love. It's all perfect.

In Your Eyes

I am going to go out on a limb here and state that I often feel Valentine's day is an overly commercialized holiday. That being said, I love it. I love to see people in love and if for some reason this random day in February gives them an excuse to be all wrapped up in each other, go for it. My favorite part is the cards. Some make me want to vomit due to their sheer cheesy-ness, others make me warm and fuzzy inside and some are just plain hilarious.

Every year my mom and dad make a point to give my brothers and I Valentine's day cards. Though I opened the candy ahead of time, I actually managed to save my card for the actual day this year. I was (pleasantly) surprised at what I read.

There, at the bottom of the card, was the greatest thing I've ever been told: We are proud of who you are.

Whoever claimed that Hallmark says it best has clearly never met Butch and Ellen Belcher. This seemingly simple statement really got me thinking. How many of my younger years did I spend trying to be someone else? Trying to shed a few pounds, change my hair, buy trendy clothes. More than physical appearance, I will admit to having adopted the thoughts and opinions of others to fit in or be "cool." Somewhere in the transition from high school to college I really began to become comfortable in my faith and, through that, I found comfort in my own skin. I began to express my own thoughts and opinions and style and I found that I was accepted. (Gasp!) More than that, I was commended. People liked what I had to say. I found new meaning in songs like Bethany Dillon's "Beautiful" and Jonny Diaz's "More Beautiful You" and Livingstones' "Be Yourself."

I want to encourage you. Wherever you are in your life, whoever you've become, whatever you believe. Don't be afraid to be yourself because someone, somewhere will find beauty in your style and your thoughts and you as a person. Someone will be proud of who you are. And in your moments of doubt always remember... you are perfect in God's eyes and, let's be honest... His is the only opinion that matters.

I Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas

I love Christmas. I love birthdays and I love Jesus so obvi I love Jesus' birthday. Also, I love Christmas music. Like... I really, really, really love Christmas music. My friend Mandy and I tend to listen to it starting in June, if not all year round. So, not surprisingly, I was jamming out to one of my personal favorite Christmas albums (*NSYNC Home for Christmas) when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why are so many Christmas songs about love? God's love is one thing, but these songs are about human love. I know that love is in the air and all of that stuff but when did that become the focus of the season?

Here is a prime lyrical example: "I never knew the meaning of Christmas, 'til I looked into your eyes." Really? Really JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake? You never knew the meaning of Christmas until you looked into her eyes? Who was she, JESUS? I think not, seeing as he died for YOUR sins on a wooden cross approximately 1,998 years before you released that song. So chances are you didn't look into His eyes and discover the meaning of Christmas. Which leads me to my next point...

What exactly do you people thing the meaning of Christmas is?!? I'm guessing if you found it by looking into some unsuspecting lady's eyes you're not correct in your assumptions. It's true that the meaning of Christmas may differ a little bit for everyone and hold different memories and sentimental value, but I want to start a revolution.

When God sent his one and only begotten son to be born to a virgin in a manger on December 25 he started a revolution. One little revolution. That revolution has been snowballing for 2009 (or so) years. I am lucky enough to have been called to be a part of it. If you are a believer, you've been called too. If you're not then this is your chance. Do something. Make a change. The cool thing is the foundation has been laid. Jesus Christ was already born and already died for our sins. That is a lot of love. That is the reason for the giant celebration that is Christmas. We were given the greatest gift of all, presented as a tiny baby boy. Every year we give gifts and spread the love but are people really getting it? Do they understand why we have all of these traditions in the first place?

I'm not asking for a lot here, folks. I'm asking for one statement. One tiny testament of your faith. As you're walking to class with a friend or chatting it up around the water cooler and someone starts talking about Christmas, that's your moment. Throw out your line. All you have to say is "I love Christmas, it's so wonderful to celebrate the gift of life given to me through Jesus." Or you could go with something more subtle... maybe "Thank goodness for that Inn keeper." You could be witty: "Thank heavens for the gift of heaven." Maybe a little street slang: "Jesus is my homeboy." Whatever you want to say people, just do it. It won't be hard... face it, someone is going to bring up Christmas. You don't have to work for it.

One statement. Easy as pie. Actually, pie could be another seguay... "I love apple pie... remember when Eve ate that apple? Good thing Jesus was born on Christmas and then died for our sins." Be the reminder for everyone else out there. Now, go make some conversation!

Thank You

Within the last few weeks I've implemented this new thing in my life that I'm calling "Operation Appreciation." It started out as a just a little way to thank a couple of people. There was a lot of buzz around All Saints Day talking about thinking of the people who have influenced and impacted your life as a Christian the most and how, often times, they wouldn't know it. That is such a shame to me. Sometimes there are cases when you can't thank the person, as they are not someone who is in your life. I know a lot of bands and musicians have greatly changed me and I am saddened to know they can't hear it from me. That's not what I'm talking about, though. I know for me, there are people in my life who I maybe haven't spoken to in months or even years yet they are the ones I need to thank. So I'm doing it.

I've started via Facebook message. Kind of lame, I know, but it is the quickest way for me to get to some of these people. And in actuality, it doesn't matter how you go about thanking them so long as you do it. Rather than thanking everyone all at once I've been conquering one or two at a time. This gives me time to fully appreciate just how much these people have done for me. Some of them have truly poured all of themselves and then some into my life and for that I am eternally grateful. Others have done one seemingly small thing, but it has rippled into a much bigger and more significant change and to those people I am equally thankful.

I recommend you all try and thank at least one person who might not know all that they have done for you. I can tell you with complete honesty that this experience has been bigger than I ever anticipated. I set out to give thanks with nothing in return, just to let these people know they are loved and thought of and appreciated, but what I have received in return has left me speechless. I am so humbled and fulfilled and so undeserving of some of the things they've said to me in response.

I can not even begin to explain how much God is using this in my life, especially right now. I truly hope and pray you'll give it a shot. Also, a huge thank you to anyone and everyone who reads my posts. I truly believe that God has blessed me with the ability to write and, in that, tell people a little sliver of the amazing things He is teaching me every single day. I love you all so much and I pray for you often.

If I Could Give All My Love

I'm back and it has been entirely too long. Like, woah. Apparently my 21 days were non habit-forming. Or maybe I just have a habit-resistant personality type. Most aspects of my life would point to yes. Anyway, I'm going to try and get into some sort of semi-regular blogging pattern (maybe a pattern will be more successful than a habit).

I heard an unbelievably cool quote the other day. I love quotes.

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

Three things is all we need? Well that's pretty simple. That's what I originally thought upon reading this quote. Then I realized what is really up... we only need one thing. God. Maybe you know him, maybe you don't, but there is something really cool about that guy. He is someone to love. He is something to do. He is something to hope for. Amazing.

Sometimes I get in a rut and I feel lonely. I think everyone ends up in that place and some point or another. Usually it lasts a day or two and then I do a mental head slap and realize that is so ridiculous! I don't need earthly bodies around me! God is all I need... He is someone to love and He is someone who loves me. Sadly, not everyone knows that. So, for the people who do, it's our duty to inform them. Therefore, God provides something to do. He created us all in His image, and He has chosen each and every one of us to be a follower of His will. We have been given such an incredible gift, which we are not deserving of in the least, and most of us (myself included) just sit there and bask in it. The amount of love we are receiving is so vast, it's the least we can do to give a tiny portion of that to another person. Your love will give them something to hope for. And, in my experience, it will give you something to hope for to. We live in a fallen society and it's really easy to get caught up in that mentality. If you give a little love, you will be more likely to see the good in the world. The more people who see the good will want to be a part of it.

You know what they say... what goes around, comes around. Who ever said it had to be something bad that was going and coming back around? Be the change. You've got all of the tools you need.

Love Song

I once started to read the book Captivating that is all about a woman's heart. I never did get through it (it's on my summer to-do list) but I got the gist. It is ingrained in the heart of women to want to be loved. To want to feel needed and wanted. To want to be romanced. But I think it's not just women. I think, deep down, most men want it too.

How lucky are we, that we have a God who provides? He can love us when we feel as if no one else does. He can and he does.

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants to be loved
To be loved
What more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone…

... isn't that such a beautiful thing? To be loved.

Secondary

We're about to get really personal, people. Only one or two of my other posts have come so close to the inner workings of my heart and nearly touched on my deepest desires, but you're about to get a little peek of the inside of Aimee.

I consider myself very lucky. I have yet to fall in love. Maybe I'm inexperienced, maybe I'm not. You be the judge. I personally am quite content. I have the privilege and honor to have God be my first true love. I fell for Him first and hardest, and continue to fall more and more in love with Him with each passing day. I feel confident that I will one day find my earthly love, but for now I am so blessed to have fallen for God first and foremost, which brings me to my next point.

Most people strive to be first at everything. First place is where it's at, after all. But I have different thoughts. I refuse to be first place when it comes to love. It is my biggest hope that when I finally meet my match in the love department, I will always be second place in his heart. I pray that he will love God so fully that he wonders if he can handle giving me even a fraction of that love and, when he does decide, I pray that I will, forever and always, be his number two.

... thanks for listening.

This Kind of Love

It always amazes me how much God speaks to me through music. Not just christian music, either. Actually, especially not christian music. I think I learn the most when I get something from a song that, to my knowledge, was written with no thoughts of God. There are some songs that move my heart like nothing else, and I am always left full of awe and amazement at how God will use anything and everything to make me fall more and more in love with Him. He surprises me daily, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My freshman year roommate was completely obsessed with Sister Hazel and she passed on all of their CDs to me. One song in particular spoke to me. One of the band members wrote it to his girlfriend to play just before he proposed but to me it is a perfect anthem of God's love for us. So, enjoy these beautiful words and take a minute of your time to stop and think about how much God has sacrificed for us and how very much he loves each and every one of us in a unique way that suits us.

This kind of love makes me feel ten feet tall
It makes all my problems fall
This kind of trust helps me to hold the line
I'll be there every time

(chorus)
This kind of love is what I dreamed about
Yeah, it fills me up
It leaves no doubt
This kind of love it's why I'm standing here
It's something that we can share
I can't get enough of this kind of love

This kind of hope is what I try to find
And now I can't deny I believe
This kind of faith is so unshakeable
It's unmistakeable
It's bigger than me

(chorus)

Your love can move a mountain
It makes my world go round
Its always there to guide me
I'm so lucky that I found

This kind of love it's what I dreamed about
Yeah it fills me up
Well baby it leaves no doubt
This kind of love it's why I'm standing here
It's something we can share
I can't get enough of this kind of love
This kind of love

... as Jim Carrey would say, B-E-A-UTIFUL.

Bigger Than Love

I'm not really even going to say anything about these lyrics, except I hope you read them and meditate on the words a little. Though this band is not christian (that I am aware of) God really speaks to me through this song, as He often does with music. I'm praying for all of you extra hard tonight.

We've all got scars as big as ours
A token for the pain we hide inside of us
Everyone's scared that somebody knows
You keep it inside, yeah, that's how it goes
If you've ever heard a beating heart
A rhythm for the songs we're too afraid to sing
Nobody here is perfectly fine
A delicate frame, a fragile design

If there's a hole in your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough
And it's alarming how quick you could forget that

Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
All you need, all you need is love

Some people change and some just won't
You can't take back the words you wish you'd never said
Promises break and lovers will lie
You hold up your hands and let out a sigh
So smile right before you fall
And lay beside this mess and call it consequence
Somebody said that life isn't fair
When somebody else was saying a prayer

No one's taking me out
Nothing's pulling me down
I turn my head to the crowd
This love is big and it's loud

This is the car in the crash
This is the light in the flash
This is the answers you know
But you're just too scared ask

If there's a hole your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough

... no matter what you're feeling, remember that nothing is bigger than love. And more than that, nothing can even compare to God's love for you.

Looks Like Love

So, those of you who know me are privy to the fact that my brain works in mysterious ways. That being said, I may be one of the few people who can relate a bible verse to Harry Potter. So here I go, spreading the Word and solidifying my status as Harry Potter geek in one blog post. 

God loves me. This concept can, at times, be hard for me to grasp. I think that is largely due to the fact that our society throws the word "love" around far too often and it has lost some of it's value. But when I'm feeling down and lonely and utterly un-loved, God tends to break it down for me. Most recently, he used an interesting tactic, but I guess he knows I'm a visual learner. You guessed it... Isaiah + Harry Potter. I was surprised too. Let me explain.

Think Harry Potter: Order of the Pheonix. Harry goes to Professor Umbridge's office for detention and she tells him to write out "I must not tell lies" but gives him a quill she claims will not need ink. As Harry writes, the words he is writing are carved into the back of his hand. The writing on the paper comes out in his blood, hence the lack of ink required. It is clear that it is very painful for Harry to continue writing. God, however, did Harry one better. He didn't carve onto the back of His hand, but into the palm of it, and we all know from fire safety that the palm is more sensitive.

"But for those of us who are already His, He not only holds us in the palm of His hand, but had engraved our names there, and we are continually in His sight." —Isaiah 49:16

Can you even imagine how much that must hurt? But that is how much God loves me, and how much he loves you. He is willing to carve our names into the palm of His hand. What a beautiful testament to his unequivocal love for us. 

... so next time you're not feeling the love, think of your name on His palm. Because trust me, it's there. 

I've Gotta Find You...

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Him. My soul mate. Future husband. Lover. Life partner. Best friend. Time in the car gives you a lot of time to think, and he was the focus of my thoughts. It seems every song that came on my iPod spoke to my heart, the part that is and will be reserved for him until I find him. Or until he finds me...

Obviously I have no control over who, where or when. But I can prepare for the person I want to be when we finally meet. I want to be the girl Everyday Sunday sings about in the song Herself. I want to be the girl Hawk Nelson sings about in Every Little Thing. I want to be the girl Joe Jonas sings about in Gotta Find You. I want to be that girl. I will be that girl. When we meet, I want him to have had The Best Day of His Life like Jesse McCartney sings about. When we start talking, I want him to have the Crazy Kind of Crush on me the JoBros sing about. When we start dating, I want him to be the kind of Happy Josiah sings about. When we are together, I want for him to experience the Bleeding Love Leona Lewis sings about. I want for him to know there Ain't No Mountain High enough to keep me away. I want for him to know I'm Heels Over Head for him like Boys Like Girls sing about. I want him to know I Want to Hold His Hand like The Beatles sing about. I want him to know I Will Always Love Him like Whitney Houston sings about. I want him to know I'm Only Me When I'm With Him like Taylor Swift sings about. And once we get married I hope we experience This Kind of Love Sister Hazel sings about. 

More than anything though, I want to be his best friend. I want to know everything about him, as I want him to know everything about me. Every fear, every love, every memory, every regret. I want every word of More Than You'll Ever Know by Watermark to remind him of me, to remind me of him. To perfectly describe our relationship. 

... I think I'll start writing letters. Tonight.