Who Am I?

I heard an interesting quote the other day...

"She doesn't really have a true identity, but she knows 

what she believes in and she sticks to that."

Something about that quote struck me. Perhaps it's because I often wonder who I am. Some people seem so sure of who they are, where they're going, what they are meant to be. I, on the other hand, know none of that. Who am I? I wish I could tell you but even I don't know. I feel as though I change based on who I am around. Often times I trick myself into thinking I have figured out which is the real me. But is that just who I want to be, or is it truly who I am? And where does one draw the line between who they want to be and who they are. Can I not choose who I want to be? Am I not the master of my own person, free to be who I want to be? Sometimes I think I know where I'm going and what I'm meant to be. Graphic Designer. Journalist. Lover of the Spanish language. Future magazine employee. Internship in Boulder. Job for Disney. Sure, they may be possibilities, but who is to say where I will truly be when I graduate. I graduate in three and a half years. Three and a half years ago I had a completely different career path in mind. Who is to say I won't change my mind before graduation? 

But really? We all know where this is going. I have no control. It doesn't matter what I want, what I think, what I feel. It's all up to the man upstairs. I may have found that I am a talented graphic designer, but really? That was not my doing. God gave me that talent. He has put the right people and experiences in my life at just the right times so I think that I have figured out my perfect life plan and career path but who am I trying to kid. He's been knowing that since way before my time. Since way before time itself, in fact. 

So though I may have no true identity, I know what I believe in, and that's plenty enough for me. God bless you.

I've Gotta Find You...

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Him. My soul mate. Future husband. Lover. Life partner. Best friend. Time in the car gives you a lot of time to think, and he was the focus of my thoughts. It seems every song that came on my iPod spoke to my heart, the part that is and will be reserved for him until I find him. Or until he finds me...

Obviously I have no control over who, where or when. But I can prepare for the person I want to be when we finally meet. I want to be the girl Everyday Sunday sings about in the song Herself. I want to be the girl Hawk Nelson sings about in Every Little Thing. I want to be the girl Joe Jonas sings about in Gotta Find You. I want to be that girl. I will be that girl. When we meet, I want him to have had The Best Day of His Life like Jesse McCartney sings about. When we start talking, I want him to have the Crazy Kind of Crush on me the JoBros sing about. When we start dating, I want him to be the kind of Happy Josiah sings about. When we are together, I want for him to experience the Bleeding Love Leona Lewis sings about. I want for him to know there Ain't No Mountain High enough to keep me away. I want for him to know I'm Heels Over Head for him like Boys Like Girls sing about. I want him to know I Want to Hold His Hand like The Beatles sing about. I want him to know I Will Always Love Him like Whitney Houston sings about. I want him to know I'm Only Me When I'm With Him like Taylor Swift sings about. And once we get married I hope we experience This Kind of Love Sister Hazel sings about. 

More than anything though, I want to be his best friend. I want to know everything about him, as I want him to know everything about me. Every fear, every love, every memory, every regret. I want every word of More Than You'll Ever Know by Watermark to remind him of me, to remind me of him. To perfectly describe our relationship. 

... I think I'll start writing letters. Tonight.