Live Like You Were Dying

When you graduate from high school, people love to give you advice, share words of wisdom and tell you how different college is going to be. Despite all of this, there is one thing I was absolutely not prepared for when I came to college—death. It could be attributed to the fact that up until college I had never lost anyone close to me, nor had I lost anyone young. However, in talking to some friends of mine, it seems many of us feel the same way. Ever since we became collegiate students it seems that death surrounds us in a completely tangible way. 

Do you remember, in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, when precious Bailey was dying and Tibby asked her if she was afraid? 

Not of dying, really. It's more that I'm afraid of time. And not having enough of it. Time to figure out who I'm supposed to be... to find my place in the world before I have to leave it. I'm afraid of what I'll miss. 

No matter how many times I watch that movie that part makes me think. She is afraid of what she'll miss. Aren't we all afraid of that? I feel safe in saying that most people have a bucket list. And yet as we make that list, we all assume that we will have years and years to complete the tasks on it. 

... but what if we don't? What if you were to find out there was a time-stamp on your life and it was sooner than you thought? Would you be living differently? It's a concept that is brought up time and time again in songs, movies and books, but when does it become real to us?

I challenge you today to take some time to think. Think of all of the ways that you spend your time. I know that I, personally, waste more time than I'd care to admit, doing things that neither benefit myself or others. When am I going to get around to doing all of the things that really matter? I came across a poem that I highly recommend you look up. It is called The Dash by Linda Ellis. Each time I read it I am taken by the beauty, clarity and wisdom of the thought behind it. I am slowly revolutionizing the way I think about life and time and, more importantly, the way I spend mine. Perhaps it will inspire you to do the same.

More Than Fine

It's an easy trap to fall into. Someone asks you how you are and it just comes naturally. Fine. I'm not judging you for it. In fact, I am the queen of being "fine". But really? Fine? 

I love driving because it gives me time to think. The trip from Texas to Alabama really gives me time to think. As many of you know I gave up secular music for lent, so it's been me and my Jesus tunes for a few weeks now. I'd recommend you all try listening to only Christian music for a few days because you really will see a change in the way you think and feel and perceive things. Hence this blog. 

One of my favorite songs is More Than Fine by Switchfoot. It's lyrics are simple but profound.

... More than fine, more than bent on getting by, 

more than fine, more than just okay...

Think of it like this. We all sin. We continuously do the things we know we should not do and yet, through all of this, we have a God who loves us SO much that he sent his one and only son to die for us. His son suffered the most painful death all so that we may live full and happy lives. So that we may work and find love and have children and make friends and enjoy all of the wonderful things this world he created for us has to offer. 

Then, as if that weren't enough, he has promised us everlasting life in heaven. Life where all of our troubles will be behind us and we will have countless days to spend getting to know the millions of other people just like us who love Jesus. We will have thousands of days to spend doing whatever we like, whatever we want, whatever we could dream of. We don't even know what it will be like because our amazing savior has promised that it will be all of our greatest hopes and desires and more. We cannot even imagine how awesome it is going to be. 

So I ask you again, how are you today? I hope from the bottom of my heart you are more than fine. No matter how big your problems are, always remember how Big your God is and your problems will shrink away and you can once again be more than fine. 

—side note

If you have a few dollars I have three songs to recommend. 

1. More than Fine by Switchfoot

2. Never Going Back to OK by The Afters

3. Only The World by Mandisa

I Am So Glad You Gave

19 years. 

I've been on this earth for nineteen years and it never clicked. I never connected the dots. I am 1000% guilty of giving with expectation. Expectation of receiving. Expectation of thanks. Expectation of praise. Expectation defeats the purpose of the spirit of giving. 

I have truly experienced giving on a few occasions. I remember a time I paid for the person in the drive-through behind me. I was alone, and I paid for them. I did not expect them to come and thank me, or even know who I was. I did not expect anyone to praise me, as I was alone in the car. I did not expect someone to, in turn, pay for me. Words cannot explain how great it felt. Knowing I had shown Jesus' love to an unsuspecting stranger. 

"You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" -Acts 20:34-35

I challenge you to give today without expectation. Try to embody what it means to be truly generous. I am setting giving goals in my life. I have been so blessed with a wonderful family and friends and anything I could hope to own. I have lived in great environments and experienced some of life's great pleasures. So I've made a list of things that I can give. Pieces of me that I will one day be able to replace, things that I can do without, things that I have ready access to. And this year I am going to give them away. I want to truly experience God's best in my life, and I think that giving is a huge part of that.  I also truly believe that, through the giving, I will receive more than I could have ever expected. I will be fulfilled. 

... when you live and give without expectation, you truly have nothing to lose and no one to be disappointed by.

By His Wounds We Are Healed

I see it every day. It's presence is unwavering, a constant reminder of what was and what is no longer. That green bracelet, inscribed with her initials, says so much in its silence.

One year. 52 weeks. 365 days. 

It's remarkable how quickly a year can pass. How many events can fly by, how many people you can meet, how many memories you can make. It's amazing how little I remember of certain things that happened in this past year. There is one day, however, one series of events I will never forget. 

Healing is something that is different for each person. Different methods. Different time spans. It looks different for each person. It's a beautiful thing, and it's a God thing. He teaches so much through the healing. 

Today will be a day of prayer for me. Prayer for her family. Prayer for her friends. Prayer for her community. Prayer for the Auburn family. She had such a beautiful spirit and touched so many lives through her life and through her death. She will never be forgotten. 

God, tonight I pray that you will lay your hand upon all of the people who are hurting. Hurting for Lauren, hurting because of Lauren, hurting in spite of Lauren. She would have wanted us to be happy and to enjoy the beautiful world you have created for us to live in, but it's tough. I pray that you will show us your great plan and that you will use her life as a testament to your will. I rest assured knowing people are coming to know you because of her death, but I also hurt for those who are questioning you and wondering why you took her from this earth so early. God, today I pray for wisdom, I pray for peace, I pray for unity and I pray for healing. And I pray that Lauren is up there with you seeing the legacy she left and all of the people who she touched. Amen.

Faint of Heart

I have heard the story a million times. I have read the verse more than once. Yet somehow, this time, it struck a chord in me. That's the beauty of the bible—no matter how many times you read it you will uncover something different based on where you are in your life. It's the gift that never stops giving.

Anyway, I had this revelation and I though it was worth sharing. 

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:25-31)

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?" What a powerful, loaded question. Here is what I realized—Jesus is not only talking to Peter. He is talking to all of us. I know that I am the queen of doubting my abilities. If someone offers up a complement I will be the first to deny it. How am I any different from Peter? God has given me talents and I continually doubt them. I am of little faith. 

Think of your life and your god-given talents. Do you doubt the talents that God has so graciously given you? I am going to try to focus on praising God for the wonderful things he has given me rather than doubt him based on my insecurities.

But We Weren't Made to Fail

One of the things that has been bugging me a lot lately is the black and white nature of our society. When did all of the shades of grey disappear? 

I am not a fan. I love black and white photographs, paintings, prints... you name it I like it. But there is a lot to be said for the shades of grey in those black and white works of art. There is a lot of information held in the subtle gradients and tonal effects held in the grey. Maybe it's a design thing but have you ever seen a picture converted from grey scale to line art (black and white only)? It is a spectacular look but you lose a lot. It is the ultimate simplifier. But life is not simple. Life is in fact very complex. So why have we come to live by such black and white standards?

Sorry if I am rambling. I'll move on to my point. I have noticed lately that many of my friends have this standard for all things. If something is not successful than you have failed. Is that not the general standard we live by, that only success is acceptable and all else is failure? I am not okay with that notion. I want to rebel. I want to shout from the roof tops and mountain tops that it is okay to fail. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all. 

I have a friend who just got out of a rough relationship (it was only rough at the end). I got the feeling that she felt the relationship had failed. Is that true? No they didn't end up together, but does that really mean they failed? What is to be said for all of the hurdles they did master, all of the arguments they settled, all of the obstacles they overcame? I see it this way—that relationship absolutely succeeded. No it did not have a storybook ending, but look at how much they learned! Look at how much they grew together as well as individually. All of the mistakes they made are lessons learned, lessons that will better any and all future relationships they come into. 

Isn't it the same thing with school? Even if you fail a test or a class or a paper, you still learned something. If you have to change your major you learned something, even if it was only that you despised the previous major. 

And what about jobs? When did leaving a job or, heaven forbid, getting fired come to mean the world was ending? Did you not learn valuable skills in that job? Did you not have experiences that can be transferred to your next job? Did you not meet people who changed your life? Even if you never got the job, did you not gain interview experience? Do you not have something to add to your check-list of things you tried?

Maybe the subjectivity of my major is getting to me. But I urge you, today, don't look on your "failures" as losses, but look back on all of the excellent things you gained from trying. Whether it be a friendship, relationship, job, test, paper, project or just something simple like trying to lose weight you learned something from trying. You bettered yourself in some way or another. So please, today, see the success even in the failure.

... learn to appreciate the shades of grey. God put them there for a reason.

Give Me Your Eyes

So, this is probably going to be a really weird post, but I am confident that none of you beautiful people will judge me for it. And, if I do say so myself, it is an interesting subject so maybe I will get you all thinking on it as well. 

The other day I was just thinking about eyes. I am a sucker for eyes. I like to look at them, look into them, draw them, study them. They're great. They're easily the most expressive part of the body. Generally speaking, your eyes give you away. They can be so filled with hurt, so filled with anger, so filled with love, so filled with hope. It is always the eyes that portray the true feelings. And I have yet to meet a pair of eyes with my own that was not beautiful in their own way. They are all so different, so many shapes and sizes and colors. God was definitely feeling crafty when he created eyes. That got me thinking on another topic...

What must God's eyes be like? They have seen so much. They saw the creation of man. They saw man's fall from grace. They saw the flood. They saw the birth of Jesus. They saw the life of Jesus. They saw the death of Jesus. They saw the miracle of Jesus' rise from the dead. 

How full of pride his eyes must have been to see the creation of Adam and the birth of Jesus. How full of hurt they must have been to see Eve take a bite of the apple. How full of anger must they have been to see their one and only son crucified. How full of love must they have also been to see their one and only son suffer so much to pay for our sins. 

So how much hurt must show in those eyes each and every time we sin anyway. We, knowing full and well the consequences, sin. We constantly hurt God and yet he constantly forgives us and loves us anyway. His love is unconditional, though he constantly sees our failures. I will definitely be thinking of His eyes a lot more now. Before I do something, I'll try to imagine how He would look at me. Would it be a look of hurt? One of anger? One of disappointment? One of pride? One of awe? One of love? 

I will strive for the day when I arrive in his Kingdom and hope that He looks upon me with those eyes and that I can meet them with my own steady gaze, confident in how I have lived my life for Him. And I can only pray that the eyes I look into are full of love and adoration and, most of all, pride for how I have chosen to live my life.