Peace

There are some words that you just associate with certain things. Peace is one of those words. I automatically associate peace with hippies and Christmas. (What? Laugh all you want, but you know it's the truth.) Peace was not, however, one of those words that I associated with myself.

This is not to say that I have some sort of constant inner turmoil, I've just never really connected myself with "peace." My mind is in a general state of racing, my thoughts are always on the next thing and my worries are often focused on the decisions of tomorrow. But in this season of my life, God is showing me time and time again how, if I just trust Him, the peace of the Holy Spirit can be absolutely overwhelming.

Philippians 4:6-7 has become vitally important and relevant to my life as a post-grad. The words have transcended ink on a page and become a rock to which I cling day after day. I find solace in their meaning and hope in their promise.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

There have been a few situations in my life recently that have plagued my mind: try and try as I might, I could not make a decision, solve a problem, "fix" my life. Eventually, I gave up. I realized that I was not the one in power. They were not my decisions to make, my problems to solve, my life to fix. So I began praying: constantly, fervently, urgently. You would not believe the response. The moment I stopped worrying about these things and turned them over to God and trusted that He had the answers I was looking for an unspeakable peace swept over me. The only thing that mattered was that I had a God who was much bigger than all of my "problems".

But the best part? Within days of giving everything over to God I begin to see Him working in my life. And that peace never leaves me. Decisions are made easy when you know that you've considered them prayerfully and can feel God's hand pointing you in the right direction. And sure, new problems arise and new decisions have to be made, but our God is unfailing. He is greater, stronger, higher than any other.

So now, after months of faithfully living Philippians 4:6-7, I have a new word association. When I hear peace, I think of myself. A twenty-two-year-old girl who is ready to take on the world. A girl who is unfazed by big decisions and unafraid of life changes. A girl who is filled with God and His peace, which truly does transcend all understanding.

All My People

I'm back on the topic of Passion. It's been a few weeks and I still can't wrap my head around everything that was said, done and given. However, I can sit here and tell you that I learned something about myself that I can honestly say I never realized before. I guess all of the signs were there and I had tip-toed around the edge of discovering it, but He showed me.

God has given me a heart for people. His people. And at Passion he broke it.

Broken. Shattered? I'm not really sure but it was a feeling I haven't ever felt. The whole premise of Passion is pairing worship with justice. They have partner organizations and at the beginning of the event they announced specific goals for each cause. In total, they wanted to raise $500,000. Excuse me? $500,000? Did they realize they were talking to a bunch of "poor college kids"? No way. No way!

I went to the Do Something Now center, where you could get up close and personal with each cause and learn more fully about who they are and what they aim to do. So I funded the translation of a bible verse. That's good, right? $25? After all, I have no money. My savings account has been hanging out below the two dollar mark for much longer than I'd care to admit. So I gave some of my Christmas money. I was feeling pretty good about that... I mean this money was meant for a new camera and here I was giving $25 of it away. I should be commended!

Then something happened. I got to the Hope International station. They were trying to raise money for small business loans for women in Haiti. A staggering number of these women live on less than $1 a day. $1 a day. I'm sure my savings account balance looks pretty hefty to them! And these women have the ideas and heart to start a business to support their families, but they don't have the means. Loans are something we Americans take for granted. So I stood and watched a video and that's when it happened.

Heart? Broken.

I had to buy one. I had to give money for a loan. But I walked away. Why? Couldn't tell you. I was using logic and reason. I don't have the money! I'm supposed to buy a camera! I am going back to school! Savings account = hungry! You know what, though? God transcends logic. He transcends reason. So guess where I found myself by the end of the next day? Standing on a metal pail hanging up a stub stamped "PAID" with my signature on it. I have never felt so proud or significant in my life. I was giving someone the means. I felt so blessed to be able to give my money to such a beautiful cause, to such beautiful women.

Guess what? End of day four, about to leave Atlanta... I was back at that station, buying another loan. Literally spending all of the money I had been given and earned. I didn't care. I couldn't resist. I had to. I didn't need that money, but they do.

Then I came home and before I could even get comfortable, Haiti was struck by tragedy. Homes, lost. Families, lost. Jobs, lost. But you know what remains? God. And with him comes Hope. And I can proudly say that I funded a small tid-bit of that Hope. God did such a beautiful and heroic thing in my heart that I will never fully be able to express. Something I never deserved.

My heart was broken, and hopefully, in that, a beautiful Haitian woman's will be healed.

Click here to see the totals raised on our four day venture. Then tell me you don't believe.